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| It's a new year! and just like any good bloke, here I am writing in this online journal to describe to you whatever 2008 coughed up and left for 2009. It's that time again. That time where we all say we are going to get our act together and make it right this time.
So what does the new year bring? (Other than this blasted earache and holiday lethargy... you got to love these Thursday holidays that force a Friday floating holiday, two weeks in a row no less)
Well I figure its time to recapture the Old Nic and mix him in with the new. Which in some ways is ridiculous. Seems like the pendulum of life is swinging back again - I've found myself with another crushing experience of having the sky fall down on me over the past year: replete with backstabbing friends, sabotage at work, and an full on assault on my character and whatever I seem to touch. So in truth, I've been here before and I'm finally waking up to clean up the mess I've made from the pity parade. Yes, that pity parade I've been denying myself I was marching in.
The key to success in 09 is this -
1.) stick by the truest of friends (and I don't need more than what I got already)
2.) stop being a fat piece of lard (exercise and eat right)
3.) pay off that debt (think paid-off car and down payment on your own house)
4.) reflect and act
At least there's one thing going right in my life. Jethro has been a God-send (and at times a pain) but I couldn't be more happier with the partner I'm with. The fact that I've been writing in this thing less means that I've found that one person who I can tell anything to.
Someone to tell your secrets with.
Without him I couldn't have gotten through this past year. | | |
| "Jollene, what time are you off work tomorrow?"
"I have a meeting."
"What time?"
"7"
"Where?"
"7"
"I know, but where?"
"Probably around USC"
"Great, can you give me a ride?"
"Well, where you going?"
"Staples Center. I was planning on taking the Metro if you can't "
"Why you going to Staples Center?"
"....."
"?"
"Celine Dion. I'm going to a Celine Dion concert."
"....."
(both of us in uncontrollable laughter)
"The tickets were free. 5th Row! I'll be there with Oprah and Kathy Griffin and shit! You can't say no to that."
(uncontrollable laughter)
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| Don't say nothing at all.
I've been hanging on. Hanging on to all those no-good feelings that have been stuck in my gut for the past six months. It's such a shitty experience taking a hard good look at all those no-good feelings. All that hanging on, that keepin on, that no-good sticking with, stewing over.
And it makes such a physical difference when you choose to keep the no-good with you. "No-Good" - that's a laugh. If I had a friend named No-Good then No-Good would be taking over my life, souring all the social settings, cropping into all the happiness and warm-fuzziness, reversing the development of negatives into positives. No-Good needs to "Get" ... and when I say "Get" I mean Get-going.
When you take a look around you can see the work of no-good.
No-Good's been at work. Been gossipin' and mistrustin', making me all paranoid.
No-Good's been at home. Been clutterin' and dirtyin', making me filthy.
No-Good's even been all over my body. Been Puttin' on and Stretchin' Out, making me fat.
No-Good has been changing me and now its time to change back.
So I've been getting on.
Get on. Get going. Get moving.
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| The strange thing about thinking about things in terms of winning and losing is that we pretend that there is nothing in between. You can't be a winner and lose at the same time.
So the question is what makes things go one way, and not the other?
What is that piece - what is that time, place, way, mindset - that makes the "difference"?
As an organizer, I want to believe its people's want and desire to organize for change... but literally, I've come to understand that my role - my presence - plays a huge difference.
Afterall, desire is nothing unless it is enabled.
It's so silly. So simple. Could we really be "the difference"...
The difference between winning and losing? | | |
| Every now and then we need something to remind us that we've got to get back to the Basics.
And there's nothing like vanity to bring you back to the basics. Looking in the mirror these days is an interesting exercise considering that I'm basically back at where I began. Back at the same weight, back at the same financial problems, and back at the same work conundrum. Only thing that seems to be going well is the love life. (It's probably true, finding someone to love is the easiest excuse to let yourself go... and the love tire that hugs me around the waist is just as tight as the hugs that I get from Jethro every night.)
Being 27, or 28 (I can't even remember my age these days) the weight of my stress looks different then it did 4 or 6 years ago. It's a different fat, a different money problem, and a different kind of work problem. Seems as if the things that cause stress mature just as much as we do.
Coming back to balance wouldn't be that hard except for the fact that I just don't have the get-up-and-go I used to have.
So here's the basic pledge that I'm going to try to accomplish in the next few weeks:
1.) Keep track of expenses, food, and working out
2.) Write in a journal at least 3 times a week
3.) Accomplish one thing well each day. The rest can go to shit.
Let's get it done. | | |
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